I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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