My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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