the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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