guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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