when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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