I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
