I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
