his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
