i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
