I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
