I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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