You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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