OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
