I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
