are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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