he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
BRING THE BAGELS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
