I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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