Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
