The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
