I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
