Michael Bay diarrhea
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
