Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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