last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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