As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
