My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
