If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
