I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
