This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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