we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
