And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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