tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
