$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There r osticjed everywhere
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
