so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
