I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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