I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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