dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
