Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
