Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
