I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
