Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
