I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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