That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
