So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
