I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
