how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
