ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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