Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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