We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
