Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
