oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
