I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
