HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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