So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
