Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
