I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry about my life...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize