id be glad to
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
