watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
