Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am one with the molecules
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
