You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize