what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
