So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
