I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
