I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
