I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
