Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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