he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize