He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
