We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
