the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize