The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
