I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
