Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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