bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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