My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
