Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pooping to opera.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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