"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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