She's JV to your varsity
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
