I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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