if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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