is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize