I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
