What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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