now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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