Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
