and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
