I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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