after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
