I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
