cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize